Things are Changing

I am sorry that I have been missing for so long. I know I will regret it when I go back to see what all we were up to, but life has been so stressful. As you know, both girls had Pertussis. Well, life started to get a bit harder from there.

My grandma was diagnosed with cancer. My parents got up at 3am on January 3rd to drive to Charleston (MUSC Hospital) to see my grandmother before she went back for her surgery since the surgeon felt that it was caught early enough to remove it all. While my parents were in Charleston, my nana who lives with my parents, was home. She has had congestive heart failure for a while now and on and off for three years, she has not been doing very well. Well, on that morning at 6:10am, I lost the strongest woman that I know. She was standing in the doorway when her driver from the center she attended got to my parents house. She told her driver that her chest was hurting. He asked her if she wanted her medicine and told her that she needed to sit down. He picked her up and moved her to her wheelchair. As he went to grab her medicine, she reached up and grabbed his arm and told him no. When he turned back to her, she was gone. It was the hardest day of my life and I miss her so much.

Grieving is a hard thing. One minute I am so upset. The next minute I'm mad. The next minute I am trying to figure out how I am going to take care of my whole family. The weekend prior to nana's death, I had gotten up that Saturday morning, fed the girls, got bathed and dressed and at my parents house before my mom had even made it out of her pajamas. I know that God was steering me that house so that I could spend those last few days with nana. I only wish I had known she was going to leave because I would not have just spent Saturday and Sunday with her. I wouldve said so much more to her. I wouldve asked her questions. She told me "die" and then named each of her children and why she was worried about dying and leaving them behind. I told her that we would all be ok and that I would take care of my mom. I feel like I have big shoes to fill. I need to take care of the family like I told her that I would.


I also returned back to work this week. I have had a full range of emotions and life has been crazy. The new year has definitely been different. I wouldnt say better or happy as we all think it will be gearing up to the new year, but I know that God has plans for me. I am just trying to follow His word and stay strong.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.